Oh Chemist tree, Oh Chemist tree

Merry Christmas 2019

O Chemist tree, O Chemist tree,

Thy pH scale is changing,

O Chemist tree, O Chemist tree,

With careful glass arranging.

Not only green and thymol blue,

But methly red, and orange too,

O Chemist tree, O Chemist tree,

Thy pH scale is changing.

O Chemist tree, O Chemist tree,

Such science do you bring me,

O Chemist tree, O Chemist tree,

What coloured compounds do I see?

There's nickel sulphate shining green,

And blues of copper to be seen,

O Chemist tree, O Chemist tree,

Such science do you bring me.

Washing the Jelly Baby!

Our nemesis, Mr J, asked for "The gear to demo - washing the jelly baby" the other week. Neither Senile or Evil Tech had a clue what he was going on about but luckily I came to the rescue (not for the first time, nor the last, I suspect). He obviously meant the classic 'Using Gears to Wash the Jelly Baby' experiment, I told them. They were both as befuddled as ever (although Senile tech looked in much the same state as always). Idiots.

I sketched them a quick diagram to see if it jogged their failing memories. A dim light shone in Evil technician's eyes, but I expect this was just her thinking of another plan to build to a torture device. And Senile tech didn't even give me that much. I really don't know why I bother sometimes.

It turned out, though, this was not what Mr J wanted. He actually wanted the screaming jelly baby demo, although why he called it washing the jelly baby only Mr J knows. (He is a bit weird if you ask me, not to mention a complete nuisance. Mrs J has a lot to answer for!)

For those of you that are interested, the screaming jelly baby demo is a very rapid exothermic reaction between molten potassium chlorate and sugar. At school we follow the CLEAPSS guidance on how to do this safely. It does look and smells amazing, but it's a waste of a good jelly baby if you ask me (sugar cubes work just as well), and rather cruel too.


As for the washing demo, well, it was a shame not to at least use some of it.

That hits the spot.

He didn't even notice!

I think Senior tech has lost her final marble, aided and abetted by Evil Tech no doubt, as this what I found at work today.

I think Mr M must be of the same opinion, as he was clearly too scared to mention anything when he came in eariler. Either that or he thinks it's standard practice to have a giant cardboard robot in the corner of the prep room! Surely it's not possible he didn't notice, especially since he had to lean round it to get a paper towel out the dispenser. However, scientific stuides have shown that people tend to only see what they expect to, like in the 'Invisible Gorrila' test, so I guess anything's possible. It would certainly explain why so many teachers fail to notice me hanging around and getting all their practicals ready. Maybe I'll write my own thesis on this strange phenomenon - the 'Invisible Sloth' test.

Hello, Goodbye

As Septembers go, this one has been manic. With new teachers in need of training, new labs in need of running, Evil technician on the loose, and 'Gauzegate', I haven't had a moment to catch my breath - let along any swing time! But at last, for five minutes, things seemed to have quietened down a bit (and it's Evil Tech's half day) so here I am - keeping you abreast of what's going down in the prep room while having a nice cup of well-earned tea, and a bakewell slice.


So, what's new this year? Two new labs, as already mentioned, which stretches are already thin (figuratively 'thin' at least, Senior Tech has actually put on a few pounds over the holidays by the looks of it) technical team even further. I've tried to convince HOD that we need another sloth if he hopes to get anything done properly in the science department this year, but he's simply been too busy messing up his new office to realise quite how much I do around here.



And we have those new teachers too. But of course new teachers also mean losing old teachers. Not always a bad thing in my opinion, as some of them can be a complete liability (here's wishing Mr 'innocent' K all the best in his new school!). And sadly we said goodbye to Mrs B too, but at least now you can suffer those hangovers delicate days in peaceful retirement. We won't forget either of you, or that party, any time soon. All we hope is that Mr A and Mr J are half the teachers you were, in both brilliance and idiocy.





Science Department Farewell Bash 2018



Right, well, no rest for the wicked, or the sloths it seems. Now, where did I leave that soldering iron...?

Sloths aren't dense...

... but Senile and Evil Technician definitely are. But are they more dense than water? or oil? or milk? If Evil Technician tried to drown me in honey, would I float? And does the ethanol Senile Technician adds to her tea stay at the top of the cup? So may questions that science can answer, and so little time.


And time is what you need to make a density tower. It took me a good part of a hour to carefully add the different layers of liquids so they would sit nicely on top of one another. But it looks so cool it was worth it. The liquids I've used are (from bottom to top): honey, UHT milk (stolen from the staff room), washing-up liquid, water (dyed red), vegetable oil, paraffin oil, ethanol (dyed blue).

I was about to try putting the different objects to see where they float/sink, but Evil Technician suggested we put me in! and I'm now hiding in the chemical cupboard until she gives up looking for me... 
...hang on a minute, it sounds as though the coast is clear - wish me luck.

Thermometer fix

Crikey, this heat is unbearable! And Evil Technician and I have been doing just he job to tip those pesky teachers right over the edge - fixing our thermometers. After all, they'd need to use them to measure the soaring temperatures of their labs, so we have to get rid of all those spilt alcohol bubbles, don't we?


And the best way we're discovered of doing this is tapping the part where the split is, repeatedly on the edge of a desk. (Preferably wood, and preferably when someone is trying to teach next door!) This banging vaporizes the alcohol and then it can move freely down to join the bottom reservoir where it belongs. It takes a while and the alcohol bubbles regularly form again halfway down, but keep banging and I promise you they will eventually fall (sending you and your colleagues gradually mad in the process.)

Happy tapping!

Safety first

At last, I got my own pair of safety specs. I've been on at Senile Technician for months that I needed some proper PPE, but she's got a memory like a sieve (and a very lax attitude to health and Safety in my opinion). Hopefully I'll get my custom made lab coat soon too, then we'll be in business.

Aren't I adorable!